I KNOW ITS LONG BUT PLEASE READ~
wow so its 7:45 on a saturday morning and im awake.......prolly cause my body is used to getting up.that early!!............but last night i fell asleep thinking about love and what i really beleive about it (because i read someones blog about it) and this morning the phrase that kept going through my head was "who needs a heart when a heart can be broken......."tina turner
all my life ive always veiwed love as the most important thing.......... and eventually as i got older i thought finding my true love would find me happiness..........
i actually thought i found it once and it really ended up being nothing............kinda like when i was a kid and i found what i thought to be gold..........i brought it to my dad thinking wow im going to be rich my whole life now and never have to worry about a thing........and it ended up just being fake fools gold...............................stupid story and they dont really compare i guess but its the best i could come up with at 7:45 in the morning..................
so now.........i dont really want to find love..........yea sure all my quizes on my myspace site say love is the most important thing to me and it always has been and still is i guess but now im really just scared of it.................
people think theyre in love all the time and really arent! i bet if romeo and juliet didnt kill themseelves after knowing eachother for a couple days ......and actually started dating......they prolly would have started fighting about stupid insignificant little things and broke up.........
people just get so wrapped up in the emotion of love that they forget the logic of it........i know i did........if the family and friends hate u, it probably wont work......so screw what u feel about them because in the end it doesnt matter.................the outside factors(if not in ur favor) will break u up!!!
its fact..............and im not saying thats the only reason we broke up but my ex's family and friends definetly played a huge roll in the snowball effect that destroyed us in the end.........thats mostly what we fought about,if not directly then often times indirectly!we couldnt even go out in public we were so scared of being seen by them!
lets be realistic love isnt about only u and that person and the feelings u have for them.......society and people and life always get in the way! think about it its not the lack of the "emotion" love that break people up usually...........its all the other factors!
so the emotion of love feeling and attraction will only get u so far...................but if everything and everyone around u want it to fail ..........i dont know if there is any love that can truly withstand that and not be at least a little bit tanted by it!!!maybe true love, but even that would be tanted by it!!
what i dont think is fair is that everyone just had to play there own part in our relationship......we couldnt just have our relationship................yes everyone i relize we would have eventually broke up because we were not meant to be...........but y couldnt we have our relationship to ourselve and figure that out for ourselves!!!!!! y did everyone else feel they had the right to control it!!!
i dont want to play the dating game....its to complicated...i dont want to go though a bunch of guys to get to the perfect one! i hate having to start at the beginning with someone..............
its like u spend so much time dating one person for one 1 year 2 years for some people even 20 years.............you know everything there is to know about someone, there manorisms, likes , dislikes, and they become a part of u, its like every disision u make effects them so u learn to make ur choices to accomidate the both of u and not just urself.............and u get in this relationship that u put so much time and effort into .........and then u just break up! and this relationship that u poured ur heart and soul into just disolves........and evetually u feel so empty about it that u begin to forget everything about the relationship in the first place just so that u can move on!!!!!!
seriously.............its a waste of time its like building a masterpeicce and puting ur life into it day and night..............only for it to be destroyed ...........whats the point!!!!!
u know i guess part of the reason i wasnt ready to end the relationship with the guy who wasnt really the love of my life was because i didnt want what we had made..........our little masterpeice i guess u could say....................to be destroyed...........i didnt want to have put so much of me into someone only to lose them.................and in the end thats exactly what happend.........
for so long i held on to him like the last thread left on a rope..............................im not hanging on any more and its for the better ...........
he may not have been the love of my life but i loved him more then i have ever loved another guy thus far................
i try not to think of him and i usually dont but sometimes little things remind me of him........or a topic......like luv.....because he is really the only person ive been in love with so thats the only experience i have to talk about this topic with.......
basically what im trying to say is.............i dont wanna date.....i dont want to put so much into a relationship only for it to end.....i dont want to go through heartbreaks...........sure ill miss all the great moments from being in love but id rater be flat lined...............i may miss the highes but its ok cause ill miss the lowes too!!!
love is no longer bright pink ,flowersy hugs and kisses, happiness, and hearts for me.......i dont see it that way anymore................
i see love is a thin sheet of glass on top of a huge skyskrapper that u have to wallk across .........that could break at anytime......its just stress!...............and i just dont want to walk across it anymore........ | 
